Monday, March 20, 2006

A Circuit With Me

When I got home from Job #2 tonight, I didn't feel much like eating but - you know - you gotta, so I microwaved something and ate it with a spoon. I think it was pepper steak leftover from last night. Sense my enthusiasm.

This morning, I was trying to think of someone I could trick into doing stuff for me. I called Mom. Mom screens.

Tata: Most people are still in bed at this hour but I'm at my desk and pigs are flying so if you're there, pick up.
Mom: Good morning. Who's this?
Tata: I am your eldest child. We go waaaaay back.
Mom: You're right! What are you doing?
Tata: I'm at the library, cancelling journals and destroying the dreams of publishers everywhere. What are you doing?
Mom: I'm pouring myself a cup of coffee. Later, I will eat a banana. After that, I'll shower.
Tata: What do you want to do all that for?
Mom: The spirit of international cooperation? Then I'll spend my day doing choir business, then there's choir practice. That's my day.
Tata: I'd like you to abandon your stuff and do mine.
Mom: You would, would you? What is this "stuff" of which you speak?
Tata: Please stop whatever you're doing and put down the banana. Then please go to my bank for savings bond forms. I need dozens. It takes weeks to fill them out and my brother and sisters show few signs of resisting their spouses - at least those without restraining orders.
Mom: When do you need them by?
Tata: What? You're not going to the bank! I'm not really asking!
Mom: When do you need them by?
Tata: Christmas.
Mom: Domenica Penelope Josephine -
Tata: ...Um, those are Daria's middle names...
Mom: What's your middle name again?
Tata: Frances.
Mom: Really?
Tata: ...Yes...
Mom: After my grandmother.
Tata: Some names are better the first time around. You gave me used names.
Mom: It's traditional.
Tata: It's tired.
Mom: Well! Why do you need those forms now?
Tata: Because it's springtime and the sooner I buy the bonds the sooner they begin accruing interest.
Mom: Are these for Christmas? You mentioned that before.
Tata: Yes, and for the kids' birthdays next year.
Mom: For 2007? What happened to this years' birthday bonds?
Tata: The parents of these children have them.
Mom: Why do you buy them now?
Tata: Tax refund. Otherwise I can't afford December.
Mom: That's so practical!
Tata: I thought you'd like my system. You know, I tell you this every spring. But I have to go now.
Mom: You do? Why?
Tata: I'm thinking I might trick Anya into locking up the store, walking across the street and picking up my bond forms. I mean, shoot. What's she doing for Me, after all?
Mom: Did you buy her a birthday gift?
Tata: Gotta go. I have to trick Corinne into buying Anya a birthday gift.

I'm so considerate it scares me! However do I do it? I bet I could be even more considerate if I mastered hypnosis.


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