Maria Carry A Rifle

I am always confused by requests for mercy and compassion from people who offered none.

FLORENCE, Colorado (AP) -- Olympic bomber Eric Rudolph laments in a series of letters to a newspaper that the maximum-security federal prison where he is spending the rest of his life is designed to drive him insane.

"It is a closed-off world designed to isolate inmates from social and environmental stimuli, with the ultimate purpose of causing mental illness and chronic physical conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and arthritis," he wrote in one letter to The Gazette of Colorado Springs. Rudolph wrote that he spends 23 hours a day in his 7-by-12-foot cell, his only exercise confined to an enclosed area he described as a "large empty swimming pool" divided into "dog-kennel style cages."

"Using solitary confinement, Supermax is designed to inflict as much misery and pain as is constitutionally permissible," he wrote in a letter.

My memory is not great. I remember video footage of people in a park, then BLAMMO. The wrong guy was accused and his life was wrecked. I don't remember much more.

Rudolph, an anti-government extremist, pleaded guilty in April 2005 to setting the bomb that killed one person and wounded more than 100 at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, and three other bombings, including a fatal explosion at a Birmingham [women's] clinic.

Oh, that fucker.

The blast killed off-duty police officer Robert Sanderson, 35, who was working as a security guard at the clinic, and maimed a nurse, Emily Lyons, then 41. Rudolph, 38, avoided the death penalty by pleading guilty in April to the Birmingham bombing and three other attacks in the South between 1996 and 1998, including the blast at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia. In all, two people were killed and more than 100 injured.

In an extensive statement before his sentencing, Rudolph said the bombings were part of a guerrilla campaign against abortion, "the homosexual agenda" and the U.S. government.

I don't know about the arthritis, but he started out one Jell-O mold short of a church picnic. It's tempting to abandon my Hey, hey! With the violence! Quit it! philosophy and say This guy deserves to blow up, blow up real good. He is a pitiless, soulless bastard who will never walk the streets again. That's fine. I hope The Gazette of Colorado Springs quits publishing his screeds and we all forget his name. That would be a real punishment for him. And speaking of justice, let's revisit a fine moment in Poor Impulse Control:

Project: Princess & the Pea(tm)

Project: Princess & the Pea(tm) is a most exciting sustained undertaking to improve the quality of life for - well - Me, because isn't that what's really important? That I am happy? Of course it is. Let's review some of our terms, objectives, procedures and projections so you can join Project Princess & the Pea(tm) and add to the project's success and My happiness.

Terms:
1. Hereafter, I will refer to myself as "Me" and "I" with concommitant use of related possessive pronouns. The reader should expect to see such references as "I don't see how this relates to Me" and "What about My needs?"

2. Hereafter, the reader will accept his or her responsibility for adding to My happiness or accept the consequences. Such consequences may include but are not limited to public ridicule, private ridicule and brief, embarrassing marriages in the Bahamas. Responsibilities vary from reader to reader, but lavish gifts and extravagant praise for Me are good places for anyone to start.

3. The persons occupying the house directly below My bedroom, bathroom and living room windows are in fact known to Me for many years. It's an interesting coincidence that they purchased this property. I actually like them very much. They're part of the local polyamory crowd. Hereafter, I will refer to them as "Those Fuckers Next Door" (TFND). I couldn't mean that more fondly.

4. Hereafter, the term "happiness" will always relate to Me, My or Mine; as in "Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

Objectives:
Project: Princess & the Pea(tm) seeks to improve My quality of life through simple, limited forms of revenge against TFND. The need for revenge stems from a 2004 incident in which TFND chopped down a very large, very old tree directly below My windows. I really liked this tree. When a purple lounge chair blew off the top of My apartment building, landed atop the tree and remained forty feet from My bathroom window for months, I was amused, and being amused measurably improved My quality of life. The tree also concealed - as I discovered when it was gone - two barrio-grade backyards I now see every time I gaze out the window. This view has a deleterious effect on My happiness.

I must avenge the death of this tree; preferably in a way that polishes up My karma. My intentions are the very best!

Procedures:
1. I open the living room window screen and lean way out.
2. I fling seeds as far across the row of backyards as the winds of revenge will carry them.
3. I wait.

Note 1. Timing is critical. Procedures 1-3 should be undertaken under the cover of darkness and when the threat of rain is imminent. Without rain, seeds are bird food. While that may amuse birdwatchers and their arch enemies the lovers of stray cats, dry and blowing seeds do not further the aims of Project: Princess & the Pea(tm).

Note 2: Choice of seed types is crucial to sustained amusement during the long waiting periods. After the dear tree came down, I was horrified to discover that the barrio-grade backyards contained layers of garbage, auto parts and discarded construction materials. Fortunately, this was keeping the mud in place during rainstorms so New Brunswick was in no danger from erosion. There's also a homemade doghouse for a large pet that no longer inhabits it. I say it's a doghouse because someone painted on a name:

H E R C U
L
E
S

It's a nice touch. With the dog gone, I worried TFND and their Neighbors, and *their* Neighbors might be lonely. Loneliness anywhere diminishes My happiness. The first time I threw seeds out the window, they were fast-growing and fast-spreading plants. The seeds were for fragrant, instantly recognizable plants everyone loves. Yes, everyone loves them, and I thought with the stray animal population TFND might find new friends. Yes, I gave them mint and catnip. My quality of life improved at the very thought of it.

Later, I thought, 'Why limit the bounty? What about some color?' Though I enjoyed the concept and the exercise, I admit the watermelons have been a disappointment. They require more care than the unsuspecting Neighbors devote to their curious foliage.

More recently, I threw out leek and carrot seeds in the hope that this would attract vegetarians. They too have their place on the food chain.

Projections:
The future of My amusement is bright, a stated objective of Project: Princess & the Pea(tm). Suggestions and donations of interesting seeds are welcomed by the management.

You may find Project: Princess & the Pea(tm) has a practical application in your own neighborhood. It is important to remember that no harm must come to animals or their dumb humans as this would violate the objective of bringing Me happiness. And mint.

Thank you for your interest in Project: Princess & the Pea(tm)!

I slay me! Fortunately, I also slay my intrepid ex Paulie Gonzalez.

Paulie: Hey! I went to after hours one night at the house of those fuckers next door.
Tata: Really? They're school teachers. That's a little too much like detention, but with booze.
Paulie: Yeah yeah, so the wife is talking to me and she's saying, "We cut down that tree." I said, "It was right outside my bathroom window." She says, "Then we kept getting these weird flowers. We'd cut 'em back and new ones would grow. We didn't understand it - or the stray cats."
Tata: Did you tell her?
Paulie: Hell, no. I said, "That's very interesting. Do I smell mint?"