Move On Up

I have a cup of coffee, and thank your favorite deity it's spoon-melting strong. At work, I find a message on my voicemail. Because it's probably work-related I wait two days to listen to it. Upon hearing the caller's voice, I immediately commence heckling.

Ivan: I'm driving around -
Tata: ...drinking Stolichnaya from a sippy cup...
Ivan: - and, yes, I'm driving and talking on the phone -
Tata: ...can't truncate no attention span...
Ivan: I saw a bumper sticker that reminded me of you -
Tata: "Life's a bitch. Then you marry one." Ah, redneck humor!
Ivan: It said, "I play the accordian. And I vote."
Tata: [Rendered speechless.]
Ivan: Love ya, baby! 'Bye bye!