Having Trouble Understanding Jane

This morning, my co-workers can't say enough about how I look.

Beth: You look like candy!
Nina: Your toes are perfect! And that ankle bracelet! Where did you get it?
Tata: I think my friend's cousin made it for me.
Nina: You're so colorful!

Yep, I'm wearing an outfit that would cause Siobhan grave concern: cropped pants in a tawny print, apple-green sandals and a vivid-pink cardigan that this morning motivated men I've known for decades to murmur, "Pink is my favorite flavor." So, I join the parade of people enjoying the view. The top button's unbuttoned and I've spent the hours admiring my cleavage, which is way more portable than internet smut.

In fact, I'm so near Me, I break into a sweat every time I think of it. My charisma is inspiring. I am mesmerizing! I may need bodyguards to protect my many admirers from themselves, much as accountants could protect people from this thievin' polygamist:

They allege she went from from one spouse to the next before they realized she had cleaned out their bank accounts.

McConnell has already pleaded guilty to attempted forgery and intent to defraud for writing bad checks to her former husband, Richard McConnell. Those checks were drawn on an account belonging to Len Battaglia, who she married before McConnell.

I have never before felt such a need to slap nametags on people I'll never meet. Let's try this again, and speak slowly so I can read your lips!

"From our view, it's pretty straightforward," Macomb County assistant prosecuting attorney Michael Servitto told CourtTVnews.com. "She married Mr. McConnell and then married Mr. Rice without obtaining a divorce from Mr. McConnell beforehand."

But defense lawyer Robert McClellan is expected to argue that, because his client was already married to Len Battaglia when she married McConnell, her marriage to McConnell was invalid.

"Since the marriage to Richard McConnell wasn't a legal marriage, she wasn't guilty of polygamy when she later married Mr. Rice," McClellan told the Macomb Daily in 2006. "It's more correct to call her a serial monogamist."

So polygamy prevented her from being a polygamist? More interesting than anything else about the case is defense lawyer McClellan's logic. I am very excited to see this kind of silliness set legal precedent - and so is Joe Lieberman.

"We are happy to have cleared this hurdle, so we can focus on bringing people together in Connecticut for a new politics of unity and purpose," said Dan Gerstein, [Senator Joe] Lieberman's campaign spokesman.

Lieberman lost the August 8 primary to [Ned] Lamont, a Greenwich businessman who criticized Lieberman for supporting the Iraq war and for being too close to Republicans and President Bush.

See, the thing that everyone could agree on was there was a primary election, but after that, all bets were off. The people of Connecticut were divided on who should run for US Senator. Democrats talking about who should support whom sounded like a Viagra-soaked EST convention. In the days leading up to the primary everyone agreed was a more or less ordinary civics exercise of a factual nature, a number of people behaved badly in front of cameras and microphones, such that I - remember what's important, here, and nothing is more important than My Happiness - was bored and annoyed with Mr. Gerstein. In a factual sense, Mr. Lieberman lost and Mr. Lamont won but Mr. Lieberman will unite Connecticut by dividing his party in the November election. I am breathless with a desire to - as a bumper sticker I saw yesterday advised - Visualize Grilled Cheese.

The day after the primary, Lieberman submitted petitions to create his own political party and appear on the ballot.

A poll released last week showed Lamont gaining support in November's three-way Senate race,[sic]

But the Quinnipiac University poll showed that Lamont still has an uphill battle against Lieberman, the 2000 nominee for vice president.

Lieberman led Lamont among registered voters 49 percent to 38 percent. Republican Alan Schlesinger got support from 4 percent.

That's an improvement for Lamont, who trailed Lieberman 51 percent to 27 percent in a three-way race in a July 20 Quinnipiac poll. That survey of registered voters showed Schlesinger with 9 percent.

CNN routinely tests my patience with numbers from all sorts of sources that routinely contradict one another. It's almost as if CNN dares me to ignore them. In any case, the fact to be extracted from this pool of speculative - um - speculation is that the guy who won may still lose to the guy who lost.

Look me in the eye and tell me: who should be sweating?