Everyone Fights, And the Fire Flies

Tata: Anya, Anya! I've got a story you're really going to love!
Anya: You have a story I'll love...[ten minutes of running through the store.] What?
Tata: Anya, I've got a story. It's Corinne-approved!
Corinne: It's a good one!
Anya: What...?
Tata: Okay okay okay, so last night I was tired. I didn't spend all night in a bar. I didn't even have so much as a glass of wine. I went to bed at about 11:45 and watched Mr. Colbert speak the funny words. Now, my bed is directly above the electric meters for my complex and that tends to make people crazy.
Anya: What, can you hear the hum?
Tata: Nah, power lines give people hallucinations!
Anya: That might explain a few things, actually...
Tata: Okay, I was nervous and didn't sleep and felt like someone was watching me all night. I was a wreck! Corinne found that part especially hilarious. Check if she's breathing, willya?
Anya: She's up off the floor at least...
Tata: So this morning I got dressed in the dark for no reason because I live alone. I put on khaki pants and a black sweater, then I walked to work in slow daylight. I took pictures of trees. I spent an hour walking around outdoors after sunrise. Then I came to work, talked to my co-workers, made coffee, sat down to read my email. I don't know how long I sat there before I looked down and realized I was wearing green pants and they're covered with paint!
Anya: What? What do you mean?
Tata: I was wearing my around-the-house pants!
Anya: NO!
Tata: Yah-hunh! Wait, it's better! But really, is Corinne okay?
Anya: She's returning to a normal hue.
Tata: Awesome. So around 9 this morning, Lupe says, "Hey! Your sweater shows off your tattoo!" and because I'm stupid I think absolutely nothing of it. "My tattoo? I love my tattoo!" Not until an hour and a half later, standing in the ladies room, do I look at myself. My sweater was on backward.
Anya: [cough cough]
Tata: I couldn't shut up! I had to tell people: "See these pants? These aren't the pants I thought I put on this morning! And my sweater's on backward! I'm lucky these are my clothes!"