Paint the Sky Upon the Ceiling
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The house is old and has other needs, too. For instance, Pete's climbing into a wall today to stuff insulation into a crevice I wouldn't touch without a hazmat suit and an Iditarod dog, but that's me. And speaking of me, I can't figure out how to carpet stairs without a powerpoint presentation.
Tata: This is the fourth store we've been to and we can't seem to find square throw rugs. Where are they?
Department Manager: That section over there has throw rugs.
Tata: That's true, but I want a square rug. Do you have those?
Department Manager: Yes.
Tata: Where are they?
Department Manager: Over there with the carpeting.
Tata: No. I don't want carpeting. I have a landing on a staircase. It's about 36"x36" and I want to put a little throw rug on it.
Department Manager: You can buy those online.
Tata: I'm in your store right now. I'd like to buy it, take it home and put it on my floor today, preferably so I can jump up and down on it and make little noise. Also: my cats should enjoy the fluffy warmth and shed all over it.
Department Manager: What you need to do is go to a carpet specialty store where they do binding and you can buy a custom carpet and they'll do the binding and then you can have the carpet but we don't have that here and I can't help you.
If I turn and look at Pete, he will tell the Department Manager that she should go shag herself, not to mention Berber and Scotchguard, and I just can't picture myself getting the bum's rush at Lowe's before the cocktail hour.
Tata: Thank you. Pete, dahhhhlink, we need friction tape, possibly all of it.
Pete: She didn't hear a word you said.
Tata: Well, I used several at the same time. So: no. But let's not dwell, when I have a Buy One, Get One Free coupon for Febreze! During the season when everyone stays home and farts, our house will smell delightful and our cats will be perplexed...
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