Everybody Here Is Out Of Sight

Dear Exo-Pro:

Just saw your TV commercial for the first time. Perhaps your neoprene cold weather face mask plays really well in the Midwest, but here in New Jersey, your products are just fucking dangerous. Wonder why?

This model, which you had the good taste to title EFFNBLACK, would certainly cause the wearer, unless he was effing white, a world of trouble. This mask is practically a signed confession if worn by a person with a tan, let alone an African-American, who would be safer in Klan robes in Milltown than in this while shoveling his driveway. But that's not the worst of it.


Picture a college-educated gentleman -

You know what? Forget it. If you sell these in New Jersey, they might as well come with the phone number of a licensed undertaker.

I'd ask if you held stock in Taser, International but there's not a cop within state lines that's getting close enough tase. No. The wearer of your garment will skip the hospital and head straight to the morgue.

And speaking of effing white, this is your EFFHNWHITE model, which is guaranteed to cause local police departments to think burn patients are on the loose. I'm guessing you think by default, people are supposed to be white, but even white people aren't white - unless they have pink eyes, which will definitely cause the local gendarmie to go all bang-bangy.

In conclusion, your product, while it may be efficient, logical and possibly supercool, is going to get my neighbors killed. Please rethink this in a wild hurry.

Kisses,

Princess Ta