One, Two, Three, Five!

Week Two.
Siobhan: What are you doing?
Tata: Searching the net for washers and dryers.
Siobhan: Have you found anything?
Tata: I have found that I hate Sears' website with a fiery passion.
Siobhan: Last week, you hated Home Depot's website with every fiber of your being.
Tata: I've developed enough fiber to hate Sears, too. I can't help thinking there's something I don't get.
Siobhan: Have you picked models you want to look at?
Tata: Damn it!

Week Four.
Siobhan: What are you doing?
Tata: Searching the net for washers and dryers.
Siobhan: Have you found anything?
Tata: I've found that poor people aren't supposed to take decent care of themselves. Or at least appliance manufacturers could make it easier.
Siobhan: Explain!
Tata: Google "110 volt washing machine" sometime and look at the tiny variety of craptastic options. In America, you either have a room devoted to laundry or you carry change to someone else's coin op. The washer + dryers would be great if they worked but the technology is tragically flawed.
Siobhan: Tragically?
Tata: Yes, I would like to spend $700 on a machine that doesn't make me want to kill myself during the five-hour dryer cycle, after which I dry the second half of the load and blow my brains out. I was too young to die!
Siobhan: Do those come portable?
Tata: Yep.

Week Six
Siobhan: What are you doing?
Tata: Searching the net for washers and dryers.
Siobhan: I'm so sick of asking. Have you found anything?
Tata: Yes. I've made a table, comparing facts and figures. I'm buying something Thursday night or bust.
Siobhan: I'll pick you up at 7. Wear shoes. Stores like that.

Last night
Siobhan: Shoes on?
Tata: Shoes on. Facts prepared. Credit cards fully greased with WD40.
Siobhan: Are you wearing AQUA?
Tata: Can't be helped. Must appear normal. Game face.
Siobhan: That explains the Furious Red lipstick at war with your sweater.

[Insert musical interlude HERE. Feelings...nothing more than feelings...]

Siobhan: Holy crap! You haggled!
Tata: I what?
Siobhan: You haggled! He told you a price, you said no and he threw in a TV at a reduced price!
Tata: I was here the whole time. Well, mostly...
Siobhan: Then you handed him a credit card and now there's a TV in the back of my Ford Exsanguinator.
Tata: I didn't pass out or nothin'! But if you don't stop at the liquor store and let me buy a bottle of wine I'll be up all night hyperventilating.
Siobhan: It's just like you to hog all the oxygen!

It is absolutely true that I cackled maniacally while picking a wine, and the cashier I'd never seen before earnestly tried to convince me a washer/dryer is not a selfish purchase. In self-defense, I think. I wonder how many times a day that happens in liquor stores.

Appliances will be delivered tomorrow. All my sock puppets will be April-fresh by Monday. Cross your fingers! My hands are still shaking.


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