Don't Deny Our Flesh And Blood

I place the back of my hand to my forehead and wilt.

Tata: In the next phase of my life, I will live for others!
Siobhan: Listen, Mother Teresa, you're much too selfish to live entirely for others. I can't picture you without someone scooting along behind you, peeling you grapes. And - neither can I picture you not annoyed by that.
Tata: Yes, yes, but I want to place myself at the service of the universe and use my immense personal charm for Good.
Siobhan: We have no answers! We should go dancing.

We settled on Costco. Everyone should have at least one friend who tells the absolute truth about everything from the most trivial detail to the most important life decision, and for me, Siobhan is that friend. Once I turned up at a party wearing baby pink lipstick.

Siobhan: Christ on a cracker, what happened to your face?!
Tata: Nothing an industrial accident couldn't fix.
Siobhan: Don't ever do that again!
Tata: We'll give the lipstick to Miss Sasha. Jeez, don't get an aneurysm!

She had a point. If I'd picked it out, I guess. People have always given me bizarre gifts. One year, my housemates gave me a vibrator. Conveniently, they waited until my car died on a street in Highland Park and when I called home, they drove over to where my car was beached and gave me a wrapped box plus ribbon. I opened it. At the top of my lungs:

Tata: IT'S A VIBRATOR!

We supposed I was louder than the evening news - or for blocks around, I was the evening news. Anyway, days later, I met Siobhan at a bar.

Tata: Guess where I got this red vinyl skirt!
Siobhan: Off the body of a dead hooker?

The truth is important. So when Siobhan says I'm being overly dramatic and we should buy coffee filters in bulk, she picks me up and we go.

Tata: Brian Boucher was on MSNBC.
Siobhan: In handcuffs?
Tata: He's a good boy. I was shocked that he wasn't still five.
Siobhan: Which one was he?
Tata: The one his brother and I chased around with a Nerf bat.

Okay, we might've chased a couple of little kids around, but only because they thought we were so cool and they were laughing so hard. Kids!

Siobhan: Calm down or your head's going to pop.
Tata: The administration has me irate blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Ten minutes later.

Tata: Blah blah blah blah blah -
Siobhan: Endora! Why not get on your broomstick and magic wand some justice?
Tata: What?
Siobhan: Start small. You'll get more done.

Today, I joined the ACLU. By this I mean I gave them some of my vast pittance and wrote some action letters. I started researching local children's charities but I've had contact with some of these organizations and wasn't thrilled.

It's a longterm project and I have doubts about myself but I have no intention of turning back.