Ta Republique, Europa

This morning, I stood up in my office and made an important announcement.

Tata: Tomorrow is my favorite holiday: International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Avast, ye have been warned!

The over-sixty set in my office, the Nice Ladies, are used to me. They cackle. They do not believe I will turn up tomorrow with a hat or a parrot. They know it is entirely possible I'll spend tomorrow in a cheap rolling chair, pretending to row to and from the printer, blathering about keelhauling and sharks. Like last year.

Also this morning, ABC News published a story that made my adorably red head spin. The reporter's language is not even close to neutral. In fact, it's as if Bill Redeker tagged Rosie O'Donnell for a turn shouting, "GET A LOAD OF THIS!"

In the picturesque northwest corner of Montana only 30 miles from Glacier National Park, signs have begun to appear on windows in the city of Kalispell that proclaim "No Hate Here."

What's the fuss all about?

At first, it seems difficult to believe that the focus of the campaign is two 14-year-old twin girls.

Then it becomes clear.

The two teens are those spokeskids for white separatists, Lamb and Lynx Gaede, who vaulted to international attention after they appeared on ABC's "Primetime" last year.

The girls, their mother, April, and stepfather Mark Harrington recently moved to Montana from Bakersfield, Calif., after April told "Primetime" that Bakersfield was "not white enough." Now Kalispell has put the family on notice, "Not in my backyard."

I know! I had to lie down to laugh hard enough. Wait, it gets funnier.

Last week a group of neighbors printed information sheets about the family and distributed them door to door.

"This letter is not written as a means to harass the family or to begin a witch hunt," the flier said. "We wish the family no harm. Our goal is to peacefully communicate that this kind of hate and ignorance will not be accepted here in our neighborhood where we live and raise our families."

Lamb and Lynx created the band Prussian Blue to communicate their white separatist views musically. The song "Sacrifice" praises Nazi leader Rudolph Hess, Adolph Hitler's deputy. The two have modeled T-shirts featuring Hitler smiley faces.

Omigod, I - like - totally can't wait until the other 14-year-olds model their Anne Frank GrrrAnimals Separates at the Kalispell Fall Semi-Demi-Formal - like - and dis the sockpuppet White Power Jonbenets! That's so hot! The parents also gave them the Registered Sex Offender Treatment(tm).

Rebecca Kushner-Metteer, one of the people who handed out the fliers, says the teens and their parents moved into her south Kalispell neighborhood a couple of weeks ago. At first, no one paid much attention until another neighbor showed a rerun of the "Primetime" broadcast. They then recognized their new neighbors.

See, the whole town's singing freaking Kumbaya now, no matter what it was like before. And you know what nobody saw coming? The normals are pissed! But don't worry about the little white power twins! Jackbooted heroes are hurrying to the rescue.

Now Kushner-Metteer and other families say they have received threats.

"We're very concerned about our safety," says Kushner-Metteer.

Postings by members of Stormfront.org and Libertyforum.com, which are community sites linked to the Prussian Blue site, have included addresses and phone numbers of those involved in passing out the fliers. A photograph of a mother and her daughter that was published by the Daily Inter Lake as they distributed the fliers can also be found on the sites.

Shit! - I mean, this could get serious! But not quite yet.

However, the Kalispell Police Department has heard from the [Gaede] family. The police say they received a complaint that the family was being "harassed" by the neighbors posting the fliers.

In an irony not lost on many in the community, the officers had to explain that the neighbors' free speech rights made the fliers perfectly legal.

Here it comes, here it comes...ready? I'm choking on my popcorn!

Just as legal as the free speech rights afforded Lynx and Lamb Gaede.

YAHTZEE!

Although a date has yet to be set, the 1,400-member Montana Human Rights Network is planning a rally in Kalispell. Seems all area residents are now exercising their free speech rights in northwest Montana.

It's like the villagers stormed the castle wielding pitchforks and a Montessori manual!

And for that, we should celebrate!