Friday, January 11, 2008

Quilted And Timeless, Seldom Denied

Last night, just before I closed the family store, I heard two people talking by the half-price ornament display. I heard a man's voice deep and gruff and a woman's light and inquisitive, and where they were browsing I couldn't see them. I was reading Digby because 40% of my nephews were running around next door and I was too tired to contemplate exploding space dinosaurs. So the people were browsing. I was reading. I heard the man's voice behind the Thymes display not ten feet from me, so I looked up to greet him. He was about 5'6" and kind of squarish. His shoulder-length hair was bottle blond. He was wearing a yellow and black Catholic school girl outfit and a Hello, Kitty! backpack. My one and only thought, upon seeing him, was, "I hate plaid."

This morning, I awoke in darkness as usual. A light rain fell outside. Instantly, I regretted having to leave the coziness of my bed for the crappiness of getting ready for work. Siobhan, no mincer of words, reminded me yesterday that the 180 Days project was already in shambles.

Siobhan: Three weeks and you're fucking it up. A new record!
Tata: It's New Brunswick. Don't get that on your shoes!

Well, you wouldn't want that, would you?
And speaking of what you don't want, did you know you can get paranormal restraining orders? You sure can! Who's bugging you? Bigfoot?
No longer fear the woods! Take a hike without harassment.

Why, I would like to take a hike! And so can Santa, that bastard!
Spend your holiday free from elfin magic! Every year like clockwork he waits until you’re asleep, breaks into your house, and leaves things lying around.

No whammies...For the his and hers matching recliners -
Never fear The Lord’s wrath again!
In the fire of his jealousy the whole world will be consumed, for he will make a sudden end of all who live in the earth. ...except you.

We have a winner! I mention this because I'm being haunted by the ghost of Richard Viguerie, which foregoes usual paranormal parlor tricks like dripping blood, flies and showing up uninvited to formal dinner parties for sending creepy and hilarious email.
While many conservatives, libertarians, and fair-minded people of all political persuasions are still disappointed at the Fox News Channel’s (FNC) exclusion of Ron Paul from the January 6 debate in New Hampshire, we are relieved that their January 10 debate in South Carolina will include all of the candidates.

In New Hampshire, Ron Paul finished just 2,111 votes behind Rudy Giuliani. It is possible that if Congressman Paul had been included in the debate, he might have gotten at least 2,200 more votes. So, FNC may have affected the outcome of the New Hampshire primary. That’s something a news organization should never do.

Seldom have I come closer to wetting myself. In life, Richard Viguerie corrupted the public discourse but now that he's haunting me, a treehugging pinko, he's hilarious. Fox isn't a news organization. It's an organ of propaganda for Viguerie's baby the Conservative Revolution. Flying Spaghetti Monster, even the living know that!

I'll take today's picture this afternoon, when things may dry out a little. New Brunswick makes its own gravy. I guess all that is obvious.



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