Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Cat Blogging: Before You Go Go Edition

By the time I got home, Pete had already eaten lunch, so I tossed a few vegetables on little corn tortillas and plunked myself down at the dining room table. Pete sat down next to me, holding a catalog.

Topaz curled up on this old chair and dreamed of dancing mousies. Drusy, wishing to play with dancing mousies, curled up next to Topaz. Drusy, closest to you, waits for Pete to knock it off with the flashy flashy, though she adores him with the purest love and would like to nibble his toes.

Tata: Are you going to read to me? Like a bedtime story?
Pete: This is a story of composting toilets.
Tata: Give me your shoe. I have to yak now.
Pete: Composting toilets use very little water, require no plumbing, and little space. A composting toilet would be perfect in that pantry we're making into a bathroom. Here, look at this diagram.
Tata: Seriously, I am going to ralph. Wait. What is that?
Pete: An explanation of the composting.
Tata: That, my friend, is an indoor outhouse.
Pete: No. Look, an outhouse is an open hole into which you throw lime. This is a closed system -
Tata: That will stink up my kitchen over my dead body.
Pete: No stink, see? Fresh air! That's a picture of fresh air!
Tata: And what happens to the poop? Doesn't someone eventually have to -
Pete: Remove the compost? Yep.
Tata: Forget the shoe. I'm going to throw up down the inside of your shirt. Where's my phone..?

Gorgeous Drusy and lovely, lovely Topaz cuddled up on afghans Pete's mom crocheted more than twenty years ago. The pussycats like the afghans because Pete naps on this chair, so it smells like his butt. Pete's explanation involves less farting, but I have yet to hear it. It's a secret between him and the cats. I might feel betrayed if I weren't so glad to be left out.

Tata: I have two words for you, mother of three small children: composting toilet.

I hand the phone to Pete. Daria's still gagging. The volume's up so I hear every gasp.

Pete: How are you today? Going to watch football? What're you making?
Daria: Hot wings, celery, blue cheese dressing.
Pete: Ta's eating lunch and we're talking about composting toilets. I just got a catalog.
Daria: (Hacking, wheezing, stuck hairball)
Pete: There are several different models.
Daria: (Hacking, wheezing, hairball now in motion)
Pete: They're compact, odorless and produce excellent compost.
Daria: (Hacking, wheezing, hairball threatening to make a gooey cameo appearance)
Tata: Tell her about the diagrams!
Pete: The catalog includes various diagrams of the composting process...
Daria: THAT'S HORRIBLE! That is HORRIBLE. Don't ever speak to me again!
Tata: She is going to mail you a bag of puke, you know.
Pete: I'll call you tomorrow.
Daria: Bye!
Tata: I can't eat this.
Pete: I'm going to send her the catalog.



Post a Comment

<< Home