The Best Things In Life Are Free -

Except me. I'm moderately priced. If you're a billionaire.

The election's over. The atmosphere was starting to reek like Staten Island, so I'm relieved it's behind us. We can all get back to paying attention to the important things in life - like Me. You've been so busy thinking about politics most of you have neglected to bring me tribute. I don't know how you live with yourselves.

Now, a few details aside -

The Department of Sexual Assault Services and Crime Victim Assistance (SAS/CVA) is holding a cell phone drive. If you have cell phones that you would like to donate to SAS/CVA, please send them to Laura Luciano, 3 Bartlett Street, New Brunswick, NJ 08901. Include your name and address, if you would like a letter for tax purposes. Donations will assist the Department in providing programming for survivors of all forms of interpersonal violence and for members of the University Community. For more information, email Laura Luciano at lluciano@rci.rutgers.edu.

- and if you are in no way Georg, it's time to brace yourselves for the holidays and the joy of giving things - to Me.

UNICEF offers lovely, arresting cards and handmade gift items You're going to buy cards and lovely baubles - for Me. Why not buy them where they do some good?

The Hunger Site offers interesting gifts from around the world, including many items you may never have seen before. If you look at the tab bar, you'll find other merchandise catalogs for the cancer-drubbing, future-dwelling, literacy-loving, tree-hugging, animal lover on your holiday list. Which is to say: Me.

The Fair Trade Store offers a variety of artisanal gift items sure to please - I'm starting to blush - Me. I'm not a college student, but you could shop for - it sounds crazy - someone besides Me by choosing to shop for Him, Her or College Students. I may go out and pretend I know one just to buy a recycled can wallet.

But don't let these suggestions in any way curtail your natural curiosity about new and interesting gifts - for Me. A net search can easily help you locate talented, relentless do-gooders who will help you meet your tribute needs, and I suppose you could buy presents for other people as well. Though I have no idea why when you could spend all your money on Me!

Though someday you'll break down and buy me the Vespa my heart desires, in the meantime you might consider bicycles - for Me - possibly for yourself, too. Over the past week, I have found myself enraptured by the changing foliage. It's been breathtaking, hasn't it? Almost as beautiful as Me, even. And that's saying a lot. In any case, a lovely walk under the trees or a bicycle ride in the crisp autumn air to the family store would be delightful, wouldn't it?

Now that the election's finally over, you'll have plenty of time, and the world is full of gift wrap and dotted Swiss ribbon. Don't worry. I'll act surprised.