Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Pretty Dangerous, You're Looking

It got a lot tougher to trick family members into doing stuff I wanted after they started reading the blog. I've had to get tricker still by assuming a couple of extra aliases and doing - um - things. But back to what I want -

Daria: How was your trip?
Tata: Good! Pete did all the driving. We took an accidental scenic tour of Staunton, Virginia and roasted a chicken for Darla. Then we did what we always do.
Daria: Drink box wine and stay up too late talking?
Tata: Exactly, so getting up in the morning was exciting but less so than you might think. I didn't notice we'd forgotten to bring in my little suitcase until about 2 AM, so I couldn't be bothered. It was warm, so I slept in a t-shirt. Pete opened the window for some fresh air. In the middle of the night, I woke up chilly because I was, you know, wearing no pants.
Daria: I can't remember the last time I did that. Oooh! Tequila. So you got under the covers?
Tata: We were sleeping in Dara's old room and the blanket only appeared to cover the bed, see, so no matter how close we got the blanket only covered one of us. I was chilly enough that it was a situation but not so chilly that it wasn't an antic. Eventually, I fell asleep and dreamed about what I wouldn't do for a Klondike Bar. Hey, did I tell you about Mom's phone?
Daria: Mom's phone? What phone? Mom screens every call.
Tata: I was thinking about the last time I was at her house. The phone rang about every fifteen minutes while we were waiting for a call from Grandpa. It was all sales calls. I couldn't believe it.
Daria: I hate the screening. Mom! Mom! Pick up! I know you're there! I know you're running to the phone, you're just about there and - pick up, Mom!
Tata: She says she hates the sales calls but I swear they make her feel popular. I kept asking why she didn't do something about it, it's just so simple. She was all like, "I have to give thinking about that idea further consideration before I ponder it." I just about swallowed my tongue! So there I am thinking about the holidays, picturing the non-stop ringing of the phone and I did something rash.
Daria: What did you do?
Tata: I added Mom's home phone number to the National Do Not Call List.
Daria: No, you didn't!
Tata: Yes, I did, and I'd do it again! - Though I'm sure I just put a cadre of phone operators out of jobs. Alas! I do not increase the Gross National Product! These are the sad, sad consequences of my ruthless prank!
Daria: You're back at work, right? Did you ever put on some pants?
Tata: Why? You afraid someone'll look for my union label?

- Certainly, I enjoy seeing something reasonable happen through trickery and outright lying. Siobhan and I share this desire to the bottoms of our pointy shoes. She tricks her father into eating vegetables by pretending to coat them in schmaltz. We call it the I Can't Believe It's Not Transfat! Diet. I will someday trick my mother into writing a will while playing Scrabble in front of witnesses. What've you got for that double word score, Mom? P-R-O-B-A-T-E?


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