Smiling Close Like They Are Monkeys

The wolves who raised me were tough, practical people. For instance, my grandmother Edith's motto was Eat it or wear it. Don't kid yourself, my impatience with wastefulness was learned at an early age. Where dinner was concerned: at least once or twice, I wore it. I wrote a performance piece about food, frustration and love called Eat It Or Wear It, which I adored doing but it was hard not to look especially menacing as I dismembered vegetables in libraries and museums.

Miss Sasha mentioned in comments the current tendency to hide vegetables from children inside palatable, common foods. I hate that, actually. Edith would have cut us out of the will if we'd picked at a plate of vegetables. I'll make one dinner, and children can eat it or not, but they shouldn't bother complaining. The rule: you must taste everything, and if it contains something you need, you should find a way to learn to love it. Thus, the iron-deficient women of my family make kickass chicken livers.

Chicken Liver Pate

Ingredients
1 lb. chicken livers
1 medium white onion, diced or 2 healthy shallots, diced
butter
some red wine, optional
salt, pepper
whole grain toast or really good crackers

Got herbs you like? Toss 'em in. Basil and parsley are great here, but don't let that limit you, you mad thing!

Optional
2 hard boiled eggs
1 red onion, sliced

In a frying pan, dollop piles of butter. Melt. Calories are unimportant. Add onions and stir until caramelized. Add a pinch of salt and pepper. Add raw livers. They look gross and smell vile. Stir constantly. Chicken livers are small and cook through quickly. You should break them into smaller pieces as doneness permits. In other words, when the livers start looking like cooked meat, you will be able to break them into pieces with the edge of a spatula. Please do. Splash with wine because no one wants thirsty livers or you do, in which case don't. When the livers are completely cooked and not a moment later, remove from heat. Place in a food processor. Add eggs or don't. Puree CAREFULLY or you're going to the hospital. Chill until cooled through. Taste again and add a bit more salt and pepper if desired.

Serve with toast or crackers, and red onion slices and a really long spoon so people on the outside of the crowd can reach without injury.

Further: a lot of people turn up their noses at liver but they'll eat cheap bologna. They must be crazy. That shit'll kill you. Anyway, it's December. It's easy to feel depressed and overwrought. Chicken livers are very, very inexpensive (a pint goes for about $2 near me) and a good source of iron, which is better absorbed by bodies through food than vitamin pills. Plus, I'll eat it if you won't. But you will, and you will feel exotic and interesting. Be sure to eat with the whole grain crackers because iron can bind up your intestines and that's not glamorous.